Seeing an Allergist

I went to see a very nice allergist on Monday and discovered that I am allergic to the "pure" allergen scratch test which the doctor said I "cannot possibly be.  Only possible reaction is the small whelps on back.  Not enough allergen to cause a more severe reaction."

I went in feeling pretty good; had a little bit of sinus trouble from the bite of wheat I had eaten the week before.  Within 3 hrs. after the test, I had 30 spots on the inside of my elbow and eczema on my neck.  5 hrs. all the scratch spots swelled, itchy eyes, ears, scalp.  7 hrs. sinus head ache and eczema on arm.  By 8 hrs. I was very irritable.. just ask my poor mom who got an ear full. 

I woke up at 1 AM the next morning feeling miserable with fluid in my ears, sinus head ache, itchy patches on my legs, sore joints, indigestion, icky feeling, constipation, insomnia, swollen face, foggy thinking.. all of which the allergist confirmed were allergic reactions.  When I asked him if the vials had a preservative made from corn, he said that I could have not reacted to them no one else had.. "must have been the trees or mold or something else."  I said that the trees and mold were all there before and that the only thing I did different was to come to his office.  "I don't know."  I have never had all those symptoms at once and didn't know they were all signs of an allergic reaction, so I did learn something.

He completed the second half of the testing and was happy to report that I wasn't allergic to corn or wheat and could eat as much as I wanted.  I showed him my eczema again and said, "See this rash?  The one I didn't have yesterday?  Remember?   I get this rash the day after I eat corn.  I have a delayed reaction."  He said, "Don't eat corn then." and offered to give me a prescription for hydrocortisone for the rash.  I said, "No, thank you.  It will have something in it that comes from corn."  He said he could guarantee that I would not react to it..

The problem is this: He only believes you can have a reaction to corn proteins; not things made from corn sugar or oil etc.  I (and others) do react to corn starch etc.  I told him how I put on a pair of powdered (corn starch) surgical gloves once and my hands turned red and swelled.  I am not allergic to latex.  He said, "Must have been something else.  Gloves have more than just latex in them."  I told him how I reacted to Lays potato chips with corn oil.. he said "How do you know it wasn't the potatoes?" When I told him that popcorn fumes bothered me, he said, "Take an antihistamine."

As soon as I got out of there the second day, I took some of my herbal cleanse that I had with me in the car.  Within half an hour my eczema was improving, by the end of the day my sinus head ache was gone, and I slept much better that night.  I am still a little achy, but I have to take into account that he injected me the second day, too.  I hope to never see an allergist again.

Jenny

Weeden House Field Trip

On Saint Patrick's Day, we went downtown for a picnic by Big Spring Park 

and then to the Weeden House for a tour.  It's so pretty and peaceful at the park

 that I understand why Mr. Hunt chose to settle there in 1805.  

I've fallen head over heals for the blooming trees this Spring.  I keep seeing more 

I want to photograph and I am sad when I don't have my camera with me.

Joel with Zoê

She's even more adorable now that she's house broken.  :-)

 Clear sunny skies.  We just missed the Saint Patrick's Day parade.  

The flag with the red "x" is the Alabama State flag.  

We were here a year before I figured that one out.  ha

It must be one of the easiest state flags to draw.

 We learned quite a bit at the Weeden House about Huntsville's history.  

The house was built in 1819.  Huntsville was one of the few southern cities 

who's houses were not burnt to the ground in the Civil War.  

It's located in a historical part of town they call the Twickenham District.

In 1810, "Hunt's Spring's" first land developer renamed the town 

"Twickenham" after the home of the English poet Alexander Pope.

The very English sounding name didn't last long though.  

In 1811 anti-British sentiment grew so that they quickly changed 

the name to "Huntsville" in honor of Mr. Hunt, who was it's first settler.

I am really glad the name "Twickenham" didn't stick.  

I'd much rather tell people that I am from Huntsville.

The house is named for Maria Howard Weeden who was an amazing 

artist and poet that supported her family with her art during 

the lean years after the Civil War (more widely known here as 

"The War of Northern Agression Against The States").

She is famous for her detailed, watercolor portraits of the ex-slaves she knew and

for the way she rewrote their stories into poetry using their original dialect.

She had several books of poetry and art published. Joel Chandler Harris, creator of

"Uncle Remus," said she was "the bright light of the nineteenth century."

Look her up.  You won't be disappointed. 

This is one of the large upstairs bedrooms used now as a dressing room 

for the wedding parties hosted there.  Thanks to an inquisitive kid on 

the tour we learned what chamber pot was (pre-indoor plumbing). 

A pretty cool Bible.

Joel and Judi in the garden where they hold the weddings.

A couple more tree pictures before I sign off.. 

 Here is a close up of a black tulip magnolia tree that I learned about a few weeks ago. 

Love,

Jenny

Making Decisions

We really liked Dr. Fix and his physicians' assistant Dee.  They've worked together for 18 years.  They said with my body type, age, and health I could have whichever reconstructive surgery I wanted.  And the answer to my big question "Can you do both in one surgery?" was "Yes."

We've decided to keep going in the direction of having a double mastectomy with reconstruction.  It seems kinda extreme at first but when you think about it in the end it has the least amount of side effects and you get all your risk and healing out of the way in one swoop.

I still have to decide about if or not to allow them to take lymph nodes.  My choices boil down to:
A.  Keep my lymph nodes and trust God that I don't have cancer in them or anywhere else in my body.
B.  Let them take the lymph nodes and trust God to protect me from getting lymphedema.  This is especially hard for me because it's my dominant arm and where I first get hives when I am exposed to corn.  It could mean that every time I am exposed to corn my arm would swell with the hives.  

Warning TMI ahead... What Kind of Reconstruction?
Only for those who have a fascination with science and the medical world like me.

The reconstructive choices are also hard.  I could have a relatively quick surgery with implants, but then my body may reject them.  I could have muscles moved from my back or stomach to my "breast,"  but after seeing the "Bodies Exhibit" a few years back, I am even more sure that God put each muscle where it is for a reason.

We are choosing the longest (10 hrs.), hardest (microscopic) surgery which comes with a 2 month recovery.  They will take some skin and fat and possibly a little mussel (depending on how my blood vessels look when they open me up) from my nice little streached out from babies tummy and place it where my breast used to be.  The end result will be like a tummy tuck. ;-)  Good thing I've been too lazy to work on my abs.  If you want to look up the procedures up they are called a SIEA flap, DIEP flap or mussel sparing TRAM flap.

Ahead:

An appointment with an allergist here in Huntsville on Monday morning.
Praying that I will have wisdom and ask the right questions and that he's able to give us some good advice.

A CAT scan where they give will give me an IV of contrasting dye to get a good look at my blood vessels.  Praying for perfect vessels and no allergic reaction to the dye.

A wonderful trip to Alaska with the loves (Jesus and Mike) of my life.

A decision about my lymph nodes.
More Wisdom.  Peace.

Surgery possibly on June 1st (they are still working out the details) and a nice, relaxing summer where I am not allowed to lift more than 5 lbs.  

Love,

Jenny

George Müller on How to Ascertain the Will of God

A dear friend sent this to me today.  I really liked it.  Hope it blesses you.

How to Ascertain the Will of God

1. I seek at the beginning to get my heart into such a state that it has no will of its own in regard to a given matter. Nine-tenths of the trouble with people generally is just here. Nine-tenths of the difficulties are overcome when our hearts are ready to do the Lord's will, whatever it may be. When one is truly in this state, it is usually but a little way to the knowledge of what His will is.

2. Having done this, I do not leave the result to feeling or simple impression. If so, I make myself liable to great delusions.

3. I seek the Will of the Spirit of God through, or in connection with, the Word of God. The Spirit and the Word must be combined. If I look to the Spirit alone without the Word, I lay myself open to great delusions also. If the Holy Ghost guides us at all, He will do it according to the Scriptures and never contrary to them.

4. Next I take into account providential circumstances. These often plainly indicate God's Will in connection with His Word and Spirit.

5. I ask God in prayer to reveal His Will to me aright.

6. Thus, through prayer to God, the study of the Word, and reflection, I come to a deliberate judgment according to the best of my ability and knowledge, and if my mind is thus at peace, and continues so after two or three more petitions, I proceed accordingly. 

In trivial matters, and in transactions involving most important issues, I have found this method always effective.

GEORGE MÜLLER.

Miracle Swimsuit

Judi has decided to go for her lifeguard certification with the Red Cross and

 will be spending the next 4 Saturdays at UAH learning Lifeguarding and CPR.

Pray she does well and is able to find the perfect summer job.

She starts this Saturday and needed a new swimsuit fast.  

The last 4 years that we've been swimsuit shopping

it has averaged us 4 days to find a modest swimsuit that fits.  

The last couple of years the only thing we could find

that wasn't old ladyish, cost less than $100, and fit was a two piece, 

so she has basically been wearing shorts and a tank for the modest part.

Yesterday, we walked into JC Pennies and out with this 

swimsuit in less than 10 minutes!  It fits and it's modest 

and it's attractive on her, it was on sale, And we both liked it!

Praise God!

Our God is a Mighty Victorious Warrior

The trees are blooming again!  And I had to do a little hunting.

I found this cherry tree at Josh's school, UAH.

The Lord your God is in your midst.

He is a mighty savior, a victorious warrior.

 He celebrates and sings because of you!

He will take great delight in you.

He will quiet and refresh you with His love.

  He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy

and delight you with His songs.

                Zephaniah 3:17

This one I found down the street from a friend's house.  I love it.

It's called a Black Tulip Magnolia tree.  Bird's nest.. an added bonus.

Love,

Jenny

"Carpe Diem"

"Enjoy the day, pluck the day when it is ripe."  Was the much needed Word I got early yesterday morning.  

I wrote my last post just before going to see my nutritionalist and Dr. Harriman and asked for prayer, "Pray that I will have favor with Dr. Harriman and he will agree to do the lumpectomy only as a first and prayerfully last step and that my appointment with the nutritionalist will also be filled with wisdom and peace.  "

My appointment with the nutritionalist went very well and I believe we had the wisdom and peace that we prayed for.  Mike was able to get off work a little early and go with me to my appointment with Dr. Harriman.  I am so thankful because it went the opposite of what we had hoped.    

When you are diagnosed with DCIS, you are basically given two options.  The first being lumpectomy with radiation and a drug that you are required to take for 5 years called Tomoxifen.  Dr. Harriman was with us in that he didn't believe radiation and Tomoxifen were very good options.  They both can have very bad, long term side effects.  

Option two is to have a mastectomy or double mastectomy.  The cool part is that you can have reconstructive surgery at the same time.  The uncool part is that it's a very long surgery 8 hrs. or longer, recovery can take 8 wks. or longer, sometimes the reconstruction doesn't take, and if you are lucky, you will no longer have any feeling in your sad, scared "breast" because one third will have phantom pains.  The worst part about having a mastectomy is that they want to take a few of your lymph nodes and this can cause lymphedema (swelling in your arm) that can last the rest of your life.  There is the possibility that they could find an invasive cancer in your lymph nodes and will want you to take chemo "therapy."

In response to our desire to do a lumpectomy only as a first step Dr. Harriman repeatedly said, "That is ABSOLUTELY the WRONG decision.  If you were my wife, I would drag you kicking and screaming for a mastectomy."  I did like him and I don't think I can say that seeing him was a mistake, so "Where does that leave me?"  

I am not sure.  If we decide to do a mastectomy, we will do it in Birmingham because they have better options there for reconstruction.  Yesterday, I called Birmingham to get things rolling that direction and got an appointment for a consultation with a plastic surgeon named Dr. Fix on Tuesday, March 22 at 9:00 AM.  Once I see him and hear my options, he and my surgeon will have to find a date when they can both operate on me.  


I will most likely ask them to wait until June because this year Mike and I are celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary.  In May, we are flying to California to see Savannah, our daughter from Thailand, for the first time in 17 years.  Then we are taking a 7 day cruse to Alaska.  Yay!

What makes it really hard to make a decision is that although most American doctors will only give you the two options, there are in reality many, many more options.  There is prayer and miraculous healing, there are natural healing alternatives, and there are medical doctors around the world that are curing cancer with other medical procedures.

After a much needed nap yesterday, I watched several of the Joseph Prince episodes that I've recorded on my DVR.  He said several things that stood out to me.  One was "That it's more important to have peace than to be right."  You can send your life trying to be right, when choosing peace is life giving.  

One series was about putting on "as a helmet the hope of salvation" from 1 Thessalonians 5:8.  He says that hope is "the joyful, confident, expectation of good."  That we can't live in the past thinking, "If only" or in the future thinking, "What if?"  "God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble."  (Psalm 46:1)  We have to live in the now where God is.  

This very much fits with "Carpe Diem."  Thinking, "I may be having a mastectomy in June." does not give a very easy feeling.  Focusing on having "a joyful, confident, expectation of good" is a much easier way to live.

Another verse that he quoted was: Mark 11:24 Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.  During worship a couple of Sundays ago, Jesus whispered in my ear "Receive your healing."  Ever since I've been speaking in faith, "I receive my healing."

So now I am waiting with a "joyful, confident, expectation of good" for a very visible sign of healing.  I wake up each morning looking for the angel of the Lord and hoping to hear him say, "You are made whole.  Cancel all your doctors appointments."  My mom said that she, and Mike would have to see him, too.  With God all things are possible.  :-)  

If he doesn't come, I am not sure what decision we will finally make, but I will still hold on to my "joyful, confident, expectation of good."  Maybe my "good" will be a supernaturally quick recovery.  I know that God is faithful and will be with me every step of the way and that in it's self is a special kind of miracle.  Thank you, Jesus, for making a way for me.

Romans 5:13  I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Love,

Jenny

He Knows My Name

Jennifer

Fair Lady

Her ways are ways of pleasantness, 

and all her paths are peace.  

Proverbs 3:17

Dawn

Dawn of the Day

Cause me to hear 

Your loving-kindness in the morning, 

for on You do I lean 

and in You do I trust. 

Cause me to know 

the way wherein I should walk, 

for I lift up my inner self to You.  

Psalm 143:8

I am a morning person.  I love to get up with the sunrise and spend quite time alone 

with the Lord and preparing for my day.  It wasn't until recently that it dawned 

on me how perfectly my middle name, Dawn, fits me.  :-)

Shortly after we moved to Florida, just a few days before

my birthday, I had an accident where I 

very stupidly opened a pressure cooker to see if 

the corn on the cob I was cooking was done.

The steaming hot water exploded up and caused second

degree burns on my right arm and shoulder.  

An angel's wing protected my face.

I ran to the bath tub and tried to put my arm

under some cool running water where my 

melted skin looked like it was going to wash right off.  

I cried uncontrollably from the pain all the way to the ER.

On the way home, I looked up and noticed that just 

a couple of blocks from our house was a street named "Jennifer."

The Lord spoke to me that each time I saw that sign I was

to remember that He knew my name.  :-)
I purposely chose to drive that direction many times.

The spring before, I had looked up the meaning 

of my name and chose the verses above to go with it.  

Both verses speak about being led by Wisdom.  

I so need, love, and deeply desire Wisdom (Jesus).

The moment I became a mom I realized how destitute I was 

without God's Wisdom and have since continually prayed for Wisdom.  

God has been so faithful to give us words of Wisdom 

and to lead us though open and closed doors during this recent trial.  

Yesterday, I started from scratch looking for a 

surgeon here in Huntsville.  I've liked all the doctors we've met so far,

but didn't feel like we had the right one.  I had on my heart one 

person I felt like I was supposed to call for a recommendation.

I left her a message on Saturday and was waiting for a return call.

One thing about being a morning person is that by the time most people are 

up and moving around, I've already been up and waiting to talk to them for hours. :-)

Eight O'clock, Nine O'clock, Ten O'clock went by.  I finally called the only breast

surgeon here in town to see if I could get an appointment with him.  

He's taking time off for the next several weeks and doesn't 

have any appointments until April (closed door).

His nurse gave me a name of someone else I might try.  I called to make and

appointment with him but didn't feel peace about it and was starting to 

wonder if I should just go with one of the surgeons I had already met (no peace).

A good friend came over to visit that afternoon.  I so needed the distraction 

and we both enjoyed the time of fellowship and refreshment.

Just a few minutes after she left, the one lady who I felt like I was

supposed to get a recommendation from called.  I can't tell you the whole 

story because I could get her in trouble, but she told me who she would go to.

And after talking to her, I knew that God had given me favor and I had found my surgeon.

By this time, it was pretty late in the day, so I didn't waste anytime in 

 trying to get an appointment.  I told his receptionist my situation

and asked if he had any appointments.  She said he might have one opening up 

this Wednesday, but she had to make a phone call to see 

if she could work it out for me and call me back.

If I had called that morning for an appointment, she would have told me that 

they didn't have any openings until March 22nd.  The whole day I was 

impatiently waiting for a recommendation and struggling over who I should see, 

God was working on my behalf to open up an appointment for me. :-)

He is so GOOD!

I will be seeing Dr. Harriman and the nutritionalist, who didn't have any 

appointments until April, tomorrow.  :-)

Pray that I will have favor with Dr. Harriman and he will agree to do the 

lumpectomy only as a first and prayerfully last step and that my appointment

with the nutritionalist will also be filled with wisdom and peace.    

^{Isaiah 43:}

¹ But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob,
         And He who formed you, O Israel,
         "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
         I have called you by name; you are Mine!
    ² "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
         And through the rivers, they will not overflow you
         When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
         Nor will the flame burn you.

Love,

Jenny

Saturday's Decisions

Saturday morning, Mike and I got up early expecting a long agonizing, discussion over what to do.  Although the doctors are proud of their 99% "cure" rate with DCIS, there are many things to take in to consideration.

First, their definition for cure is that their patient is still alive 5 years later.  If they die 5 years and one day later from breast cancer, it doesn't change their percentages.  This is why it's so important to live a healthy life style.  Body, soul and spirit are tied to your health and we have to take care of them by eating right, exercising, keeping our stress levels in check, getting plenty of sleep, taking Sabbaths, loving God and taking time to allow Him to work in your life and help you have healthy relationships with others.

Second, their "cures" can cause other very bad side effects; including lung and ovarian cancer.

Knowing all of this, we sat down to pray, took communion, then got out the dry erase board that I use for homeschooling, and laid out all our options and their risks and possible side effects, and most importantly the words that we had from God so far.

In less than an hour, we had made our decision, had peace that it lined up with what God had spoken to us, and were able to lay out what we needed to do from here.  Praise God!  It would have been even faster, if Zoë, our puppy, hadn't interrupted.  We were so amazed that it went so smoothly, and so happy that it was over, and we had our day of rest back.

We decided to do a lumpectomy alone, and see how the pathology report comes back.  We are praying that it will come back really good; showing no cancer like the 2nd mammogram.  If it does, I believe it will be a testament to God's glory.  If it doesn't, we will have to make further decisions.

We are also praying about:

*Finding surgeon here in Huntsville that I like so that I can avoid traveling back and forth to Birmingham for follow up exams
*Getting a family membership at the YMCA
*If or not we should do the vitamin C IV treatments that one nutritionalist suggested

I really liked the nutritionist/pharmacist that I saw on Friday, agreed with his approach to health, and felt like the paths that he wanted to guide me on to health were paths that God had shown me before.  I will be seeing him again on Wednesday to find the supplements that will work best for me.

Thank you so much for your continued prayers and support.  I am so blessed.  This is my song for today.

Love,

Jenny

Thursday's Appointments

Yesterday's appointments went as well as could be expected.  Your prayers and Mike's support were a great strength to me.  Thank you.

The calcifications that first alerted the doctors to the possibility of me having cancer no longer show up on the mammograms.  They believe that the biopsy got them all..  :-)

Sad thing is that they still strongly recommend the same treatments: either a lumpectomy with radiation or a mastectomy.  It doesn't matter that they can't see it.. "It could still be there."

I am going to see another natural doctor this morning.  Tomorrow, Mike and I will try to make a decision.

Thank you for your prayers.

Jenny

Josh's Birthday

The weather here the last couple of weeks has been crazy;
one day warm the next rainy then the next windy and cold.

Josh loves the out doors and we thought it would be nice
to go on a hike with him for his birthday, but not in the rain or cold.
We thought of a place where the weather is always perfect: a near by cave.  :-)  

We've driven by Cathedral Caverns State Park many times on the way to Chattanooga
and other cities east of us, but had no idea what a treasure we had so close by.

 It turns out that it is the 3rd largest cave in the US 

and has the largest cave opening in the world.

Most of the time I have an attitude of "You've seen one cave you've seen them all."
I think because I was spoiled living near Carlsbad Caverns when I was young
 and they are so beautiful that others have a hard time comparing.

But there was something really special about this cave.

The great room with the 45' high ceilings amazed me.  

The atmosphere was so nice, the temperature stays between 

58 and 61 degrease year round, and in places you could feel a breeze.  

I so see why when Jay Gurley's wife first saw it in the 50's 

that she thought it looked like a "cathedral."  

A much more fitting name than "Bat Cave."

One of the coolest parts for me was seeing Goliath, the largest cave column 

in the world at 43' tall and 128' high, and learning about how 

the earthquake of 1912 which caused the Mississippi River to flow backwards

for three weeks had also caused this huge crack.

Judi with her friend Kylie.  Joel and Josh and another friend, Nick, looking at Goliath.

Another thing that added to the atmosphere was the Mystery River that ran through it.

I love the sound of flowing water and it makes the humidity 

in the cave perfect (I love high humidity).

But maybe not so perfect for the weddings they hold there.

Jay Gurley built this bridge over it for his jeep.

In heavy rains the river floods up to 32' above this point, 

and his bridge is still standing.  Crazy right?

One last really cool thing about this cave is that you've probably seen it before..
in Disney's movie "Tom and Huck."  Now I want to see the movie again..
and it'd sure be nice if they sold season passes to the cave.

Jenny

Let Patience Have Her Perfect Work

 James 1:2-4 Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.


Several years ago, once a month, I would have suicidal thoughts.  Nothing ever came of them.  They were mostly annoying.  The worst part was after while, I would wonder if I was crazy or something, then I would start my menstural cycle and find relief in thinking they were caused by hormones.  Now I think what was actually going on was that my enemy was taking an opportune time to attack me.  Eventually, I learned to catch on to what was going on at the onslaught, rebuked the thoughts and stopped having them.  Glory to God!


At the beginning of last week, the Lord dropped the verse above into my heart.  The part about "don't try to get out of anything prematurely" stood out.  I was hurting and wanted out fast.  Over the weekend my heart had begun to break over my diagnosis.  


Saturday Mike and I went to Nashville for a city tour which turned out for me to be the opposite of a "getaway."  It seemed like everywhere I turned something reminded me that I wasn't whole; from driving by the Sarah Cannon Cancer Center, to the mannequins in the Country Music Hall of Fame with two perfectly formed breast (really sad, I know).  


The saddest part for me was that the biggest displays for the biggest "stars" were ones who had died of drug overdoses.  The displays talked about how wonderful the person was, then were deafeningly silent on how to avoid their tragic end.  In the gift shop, I found myself under the old, familiar attack of suicidal thoughts.  This time it came through a different open door.  I prayed in the Spirit and it stopped, but my heart was still breaking.  


Wednesday, I spent the day listening to more of the "Healing School" CDs by Katie Souza.  Session 4 was on the healing of your soul.. exactly what I needed.  One of my deepest desires has been to pray for the sick and see them miraculously recover in Jesus' name (I've had just a taste) then early this year the Lord added the desire to see the brokenhearted mended.  What I didn't know was that my own heart was wounded and needed healing before I could see my desires fulfilled.  


I had a dream Monday morning about Jesus coming and binding my wounds then taking me into an office where He was cleaning up a mess.  I couldn't understand how an "office" related to me until I heard the CDs where Katie quoted this verse from the AMP 


Luke 11:34 Your eye is the lamp of your body; when your eye (your conscience) is sound and fulfilling its office, your whole body is full of light; but when it is not sound and is not fulfilling its office, your body is full of darkness.  


The eye is the window to our soul and my soul was darkened by the mess it was in.  Wednesday through Friday were spent with the Lord shining His light on and healing different wounds in my soul.  At first, it was extremely painful.  I was not a very good patient.  I was happy to run away to a field trips on Thursday, Friday and Saturday with the kids.  And I think I was trying too hard. Our part is to trust and rest in His lovingkindness.  


He started with the biggest hurts like the death of my Grandmother and worked down to the smaller ones like when I was a kid and these two doberman pinchers chased me from the bus stop to a friend's house instead of the boy who had thrown rocks at them.  My body escaped unscathed, but my heart hadn't.  


I've since become keenly aware of soul wounds in others.  Seems like everyone I talk to now mentions a wound in their soul without even realizing it.  Katie said to soak the wound in the "glory light of Jesus" though worship and not to focus on the hurt but on the healer.  She used the story of Moses lifting up the serpent in the wilderness as our example.  Our focus has to be on Jesus lifted up not the snake bite (or in my case the near dog bite).  


I knew from experience that when God shows you something in your heart or way of thinking in your mind that shouldn't be there, it's because He wants to fix it.  I have learned to see it as an opportunity to repent and rejoice because of the good work He was about to do in me, yet last week I continued to struggle.  Even going to the grocery store was painful.  I dreaded the cashier's friendly, "How are you today?" because my answer, "Good.  How are you?" came with a cringe in my soul.  


Finally, God reminded me of the part of Psalm 23 that says "He restores my soul." I repeated it to myself over and over until the pain lessened.  Now I can say "It is well with my soul." with joy and peace again.  :-)


I am not sure what comes next.  I had a dream that I was sitting at a small, wobbly, primitive table about to be served, but I had no silverware or plate or cup.  Not the way I imagine God preparing a table.  So now I am claiming the rest of Psalm 23.  


 ⁵ You serve me a six-course dinner
      right in front of my enemies.
   You revive my drooping head;
      my cup brims with blessing.

 ⁶ Your beauty and love chase after me
      every day of my life.
   I'm back home in the house of God
      for the rest of my life.

I found this song today and thought it went with my week last week.

We meet with a surgeon, oncologist and radiologist at UAB Thursday morning.

Love,

Jenny