Relections on Heaven at Refection Riding Arboretum

Warning: Lots of photos

Saturday after lunch, we went to the Refection Riding Arboretum 

at the foot of Lookout Mountain in Chattanooga.

We so enjoyed walking it’s 3 mile loop which you can drive, bike or walk. 

 These horses reminded me of a Canadian TV show we've been enjoying, Heartland.

The cool spring breeze was so refreshing.

 Had to get one more with the mountain in the background.  :-)

 The Arboretum has a has a level 4 rating which means

 it has labled at least 120 different species of trees.

 Everything is colored with missing Joel now.  

We could not help thinking about how much he 

would have enjoyed the hike as we walked along.

He would have loved everything about it.. the beauty, the adventure, the history, the day.

Wild hydrangeas.

 As I snapped photos,   I wondered if Joel and Jesus went on hikes together

and if they ever had any need for photos or scrapbooks.  

One room cabin with spring feed water basin.

This cabin was dedicated to John and Margret by their grandchildren with 

Psalm 19:1-3

The heavens are telling the glory of God; and the firmament proclaims his handiwork.  

Day to day pours forth speech, and night to night declares knowledge.  

There is no speech, nor are there words; their voice is not heard; 

yet their voice goes out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world.

 Favorite flower picture.

 I hear that the colors in Heaven are even more amazing than any we've ever seen.

 These flowers were growing on a Florida Anise Tree

These mushrooms reminded me of our very first real nature walk together 

at OP Schnable Park in San Antonio.   The Lord so blessed us that day with tons

of different mushrooms, bees and mating garter snakes.

Pages from Joel's Nature Journal

 Joel was 10 years old.

 We all took turns using our first digital camera.

Joel's version of what the snakes were doing below.   :-)

 We had to look up what kind of snakes they were

 We were all amazed by God's creation.

The one below was from a different walk at OP Schnable.  

We went there often; there was so much to see 

and it was an easy drive from our house.

We met our good friends, the Chagoyas, there just last May.

Back to the Arboretum.. 

 We've been to St. Augustine.  Glad we didn't have to walk here from there.

Cherokee monument.

 Joel so enjoyed taking nature photos.  

Will I get to see all the scrapbooks he’s collected when I get there?

 

About halfway through our hike we came upon this rock.. it amazed me.. 

I took half a dozen photos and still could capture the wonder of it so I took a video.

There was water springing up from the rock.. it reminded me of the water God provided in the wilderness for the Israelites and these verses from 

Revelation 21
1 Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth passed away,

 and there is no longer any sea...3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, 

“Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be 

 His people, and God Himself will be among them,4and He will wipe away every tear from 

their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, 

or pain; the first things have passed away.” 5 And He who sits on the throne said,

 “Behold, I am making all things new.” And He said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true.”

6 Then He said to me, “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. 

I will give to the one who thirsts from the spring of the water of life without cost.

I’ve wondered many times how spending time with Jesus will work in Heaven.  

Will thousands of others be sharing my long, quiet walk with Jesus?    

 In Revelation 21:22 John says, 

“I did not see a temple in the city, because 

the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple.”

 I was glad when I read in Anne Graham Lotz book, Heaven My Father’s House, last night 

that I wasn’t the only one who’d wondered.. and who’d selfishly not wanted to give up 

the wonderful, intimate, daily, individual, fellowship that we enjoy with Him now.

Anne believes that “There will be no place in Heaven 

where God is not physically, actually present!

  Because He is omnipresent, 

He will live fully and completely with me every moment, 

as though I were the only resident of Heaven!  

And He will live every moment fully and completely with 

you as though you were the only resident of Heaven!  

What a wonderful place Heaven will be!”

 Mike noticed, while on our hike, that sometimes the path would disappear beneath 

the forest overgrowth and we would have to look up ahead to find where to go next.

Mike at edge of a bamboo forest.

He said that in life we can get so focused on the here and now 

that we feel lost and have to look up to find eternal perspective again.

Beekeeper hives center right.

 I’ve been meditating on Colossians 3:1-4 lately. 
 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, 

where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things above, 

not on earthly things.  For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.

When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

 I meditated on it before.. to keep myself in check that I didn’t love earthly things too much;

now because earthly things are too unbearable.  

 Mike's view.

My view.

Wild flowers and dandelions.

 Yet another view.. what's that in the distance?

 Turtles enjoying the sun.

 

So nice to take time and listen to the heavens

 and the earth declaring God's glory.

Dogwood tree.

And for a grand finale an Azalea bush.

Looking up,

Jenny

My Family Quilt Story: God's Story

I started my family quilt 12 years ago when a friend of mine lost her husband to colon cancer.  He was 36 years old, in the military and had a 1 and 3 year old son. 

I had prayed, “God how should I pray for healing here on earth or that he’d quickly go to Heaven?”  I’d heard very clearly, “Pray for healing.”  One night while interceding on the floor beside my bed, I had a vision of Jesus interceding beside me.  The sicker he became the closer we believed he was to healing.. when he died we prayed for resurrection. 

Days passed and I prayed, “What happened?”  And God answered that it was my job to pray; His to answer; sometimes the answer would be no.  And I learned that He was God and I was not. 

In the trauma of it all, I decided to make a quilt of my family so they would live “forever” in a quilt.  As I worked on the quilt, I prayed for help as I do for everything.  I was shocked when I felt His presence helping and guiding me especially with the drawings of my family, which are far above my abilities, because in my heart, I knew I was rebelling against God’s omnipotence and wisdom.


As I made the quilt, I understood what some of it meant.  I knew the tree trunk was Abba God’s hand at work in the midst of everything.. holding everything together with strength and majesty; the dove was Holy Spirit moving across the earth in power.  I knew, of course, that Jesus had James in his arms.  James has aspergers and being both mom and teacher to him I often worried about him not fitting into the mold, not learning how to read until he was 13 etc., but the Lord continually gave me dreams showing me that He was taking care of James and not to push him. 

Most of the time I was too fearful to ask the Lord what the rest of the quilt meant.  I was afraid that James being in Jesus’ arms might mean that he was going to die, but one day while working on the border, I felt prompted to ask what all the blues meant.  He answered me that they were days; some light and happy and others dark, but that He would be with me through them all.

I started this quilt in the summer of 2000, but I didn’t finish it until the spring before Joel went home.  Homeschooling 4 kids didn’t leave a lot of time for quilting.  I think I finished the middle part the first year, but then moves came, algebra, team sports etc.; months and sometimes years passed without a stitch. 

Josh, Judi and Joel on piano in front of crazy quilt.

Then we were moving again, and I decided that I was going to finish the quilt.  It had been so long since I’d started that I decided to stretch Judi out to make her taller, then I finished the quilt with a crazy quilt border and hung it in our house in Montgomery.. but I didn’t like it.

We moved again to Huntsville this time and when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in February of 2011, I decided to take the border apart and start over with a different design.  One of the ways I deal with grief is by being creative.  The Creator creating through me helps bring healing.

Then finally, I was finishing the quit a second time and I wanted to add our new puppy to my quilt, but Joel said, “No, it should be like a frozen piece of time.”  So I finished the quilt without adding her in and hung it in our music room... which was in a way Joel’s room.  He almost never slept in his bed and only used the room he shared with Josh as a closet.

One day, while I was visiting Joel in his room with the quilt and admiring it, Joel said, “It looks like a stain glass window.”  He liked the idea, but I had a problem with the thought that it might be memorializing my family.  I didn’t want anyone to think that I put my family above God.. because I so didn’t.  I actually agonized over leaving it up and thought about taking it down many times.

Joel and Josh in "Joel's" room.  Now named the music room in Joel's honor.

So knowing full well that the quilt pattern I’d used for the new border was called “cathedral window,” I argued weakly that we weren’t apart of the stain glass window .. it was a clear window bordered in stained glass, and we were outside enjoying God’s creation.. picnicking or something.  He looked at me like, “Yeah, right.”

On the Wednesday after Joel had been murdered, a friend from Birmingham brought us dinner, and my mother showed her the quilt, and I saw.. for the first time more meaning in it.  I saw that Joel was the one up above all of us in God’s hand, that God knew all along that the number of Joel’s days would be short and that we would be left here on earth with Jesus in our midst.

The meaning of Joel’s names: Joel “God is Sovereign,” and Manuel “God is with us” were demonstrated in my quilt.  We don’t live in a crazy quilt world.. a world bordered in chaos.  We live in a cathedral window world.  A world designed by God with beauty and purpose.  A world were God works everything together for our good.

James is still in Jesus’ arms looking up at Joel.. seeing clearly that he is in God’s hands.  Josh is leaning on Jesus fishing.. for men.. for answers.. for cures for the earth’s woes.. for wisdom and direction.  Judi looks like she’s in a dream world chasing bunny trails.. but the angels (our rabbit, Angel, died of breast cancer at 10 years old shortly after we moved here) are close beside her.  Mike is finding refuge in worshiping while leaning on our ROCK, as am I.. as I search, study and meditate on His word and as I record what He is teaching me.

In these dark days, the one thing that gives me the light of hope is remembering the instructions God gave me early in this grief journey .. to think of Joel as having pushed a head of us in the race.

Hebrews 12:1-2 says
“Seeing that we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race that is marked out for us.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, Who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning it’s shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

It’s fun to think of running a race with Joel, and of course, he would push ahead of me and win, but maybe one day, in Heaven, I’ll get a re-match.  It encourages me to think of Joel up in that great cloud of witnesses cheering all of us on and I look forward to meeting him again one day at the finish line as I keep persevering in this race while keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus.

I struggle daily with either wanting to re-write Joel back into the story God is writing so skillfully.. or begging God to bring me to the end of my story where my suffering ends, every tear will be wiped away and I will hold Joel in my arms again.

I am working intentionally on my grief; asking God for right thoughts to replace my deep longings.  I work purposely and methodically at turning my thoughts to asking for strength and wisdom to live each day for His glory.

Psalm 139:16 says “You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.”

This weekend the Lord showed me through this verse that not only was the December 7th marked out for Joel to lay down his life for his friends at the birthday party .. but today and however many days there are left until I see Him were laid out for me to continue living with His help for His glory.  Joel’s story was written on mine before I was formed in my mother’s womb.

The following verse (verse 17) is embroidered on my quilt:

“How precious it is, Lord, to recognize that You are thinking about me constantly.”

Glory to God, Who’s ways and wisdom are far above ours and Who thinks about us constantly!

I Peter 4:12-13
“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.”

Love,

Jenny

Despising Striving

Homeschooling is a lot like being self employed.  You have to keep yourself motivated, 

set your own schedule, decide what tools are the best for your situation, manage a budget, 

manage and motivate your "employees," evaluate your results, and make changes accordingly.

The thing is, I am not self employed.  I have an invisible Head Master, Who is intently 

interested in what my kids are learning and doing and is sometimes,

for me, hard to hear through the noise of life. 

Having a type "A" personality I often don't want to wait on Him, but want to 

get things done now.  Many years, I impatiently struck out on my own with my own plan 

and fell flat on my face.  The kids wouldn't cooperate.  The curriculum I bought stunk.  

We were all miserable. 

So after many years of this, about 9 years ago, I learned to put a lot of prayer 

into the following year.  Usually starting about this time of year, I start praying 

while spring cleaning, washing dishes, folding clothes, gardening...  

Then I pray some more, and some more; sometimes I get answers 

and sometimes, I loose patience and try on my own again and fall flat on my face AGAIN.

So, through all this, I've learned to DESPISE striving.  

When I start, I get this uncomfortable feeling.  I want to stop.  

Sometimes, I do stop and pray.  Sometimes, I still don't know what to do.

These verses about going on in our faith apply to everything we do from intersession,
to homeschooling, to parenting, to being a wife, or a just a good friend; to EVERYTHING.

Philippians 2:13 [Not in your own strength] for it is God Who is 

all the while effectually at work in you [energizing and creating in you the power and desire], 

both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight. 

Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you 

will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Galatians 3
Trust in Christ, Not the Law
 1 You crazy Galatians! Did someone put a hex on you? Have you taken leave of your senses?
Something crazy has happened, for it's obvious that you no longer have 

the crucified Jesus in clear focus in your lives. 

His sacrifice on the cross was certainly set before you clearly enough.
 2-4 Let me put this question to you: How did your new life begin? 

Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding 

to God's Message to you? Are you going to continue this craziness? 

For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts 

what was begun by God. If you weren't smart enough or strong enough to begin it, 

how do you suppose you could perfect it? 

Did you go through this whole painful learning process for nothing? 

It is not yet a total loss, but it certainly will be if you keep this up!

I love this last one in the Message.  

We have to keep Jesus in clear focus in our lives.. 

focusing on our own efforts is craziness!  

Did I go through this whole painful learning process for nothing?

Lord, deliver me from craziness,

Jenny

Valentines

We had a great Valentine's Day.

Mike got me this beautiful hydrangea plant.  

Did you know that you can take hydrangea as a supplement 
and it will dissolve kidney stones?  
I know from experience.  Most regular doctors don't know.

I made Valentine bookmarks (above) for our homeschool bowling party.

The bowling party was all Judi's idea.  She remembers going bowling (ages 5-9) 

on Valentine's with our homeschool group in San Antonio.  

She made these beautiful cookies (from a roll).  

Everyone said they were delicious.

The radiologist that I had an appointment with today called yesterday to cancel my appointment.  She wants to move me to a different location. I was glad she cancled, because after all I've read about radiation I've decided not to do it.  

I am waiting now to hear from the breast center in Birmingham 

about new appointments with a surgeon and oncologist there.  

When I talked to UAB last week, I found out that the one allergist that worked at the hospital last day was in December. :-) At this point I am kinda hoping that UAB has more options than were offered here.  Ones that don't include surgery would be nice.  

I've read that only 10-25% of people with DCIS ever develop an invasive breast cancer.  If I refuse to take the drug they want to give me (one of it's side effects is uterine cancer), and refuse to do radiation, I am not sure how much surgery will decrease my chances.  

And the corn I am exposed to  during surgery could increase my chances of going into anaphylactic shock when exposed to corn in the future.

I've been reading about a supplement called Diindolylmethane (DIM) that helps fight hormone dependent cancers (which mine is).  Here is a link.

Still believing for healing and lots of wisdom.

Love,

Jenny