Breakthrough on a Rough Day:

SOON is quickly becoming my new favorite four letter word.

I saw this verse for the “first” time the other day:

The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet.
The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you. Romans 16:20

I am not sure what it means… but I really like it and I decided just today that I am going to use “Soon.” to humbly replace any other four letter word that I might be tempted to say.. because “soon” I will “Behold I AM making all things new.” and all these old things will have passed away.  :)

Romans 16:20 was just one of a long list of recent “soon” messages I have been hearing. Does God ever speak to you in theme’s… confirmations.. hints.. or whispers that add up to a message that you finally get the third or fourth time?  “Soon” was one of those for me.

This week the Holy Spirit’s word over me has been “transparency.”  And I just got it.  I keep thinking of things I’d rather not post here for the world to see and that “transparency” word pops up again.

So here it goes:
I first heard the the “soon” theme as I was driving alone to church Sunday before last.  Deep below the surface, the cry of my heart was, “How long, Lord?” I didn’t even realize it was there until I felt Joel’s presence (Surprise! “Transparency!”) sitting in the front seat next to me and he said one word: “Soon.”

Which (even more transparency) meant so much more to me than all the other “soon” words written in the Bible (2000+ years ago).  When Joel says soon, I know his definition of soon.  Jesus.. the things He says... can be a mystery.  Joel’s word both comforted and saddened me as I realized that I trusted his "word" over Jesus':

“Look, I am coming soon, bringing my reward with me… He who is the faithful witness to all these things says, “Yes, I am coming soon!” Revelation 22:12,20

To which I feel a compelled to say, “Amen! Come, Lord Jesus! …The Spirit and the Bride say come.” (17)

I wasn’t sure I believed I “felt Joel’s presence” myself until all the other “soon” words kept coming. Then today I remembered how my mom noticed that Joel had ended all his cards and letters to her by saying, “See you soon!” and the Lord was bugging me about transparency. So there it is.

Soon.  It’s going to be soon… so you better get ready if you’re not already.

2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow concerning his promise as some count slowness, but is patient with us, not wanting any to perish, but all to come to repentance.

Part 2 (More Transparency)..

Wait patiently for the Lord.
Be brave and courageous.
Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. 

Psalm 27:14

When we first lost Joel, there was another cry in my heart and “I want to die” went through my thoughts so, so many times.  The pain is just so overwhelming. It’s a common sentiment shared by bereaved parents.  We are not supposed to bury our children.  They are supposed to bury us when we are old and gray and live to be buried by their children.

I know the importance of guarding your thoughts and I was able to find God’s grace to turn those thoughts in our first year to “Thank You for life.” ...meaning thank You for existence and eternal life.  I am so thankful for the time I had Joel and that I have eternity with him to look forward to and especially for the price Jesus paid to make it all possible.

Transparency Take 4? 5? (I’ve lost count.)

I’ve had another less than productive thought which comes in loud and clear on especially hard days like today: “I want to go HOME!” "Transparently" meaning: “This is TOO hard! Please, take me home to Heaven (NOW!). How long before You come back (to rescue ME!)?” Imagine a 3 year old turning red, stomping his feet and yelling, “I want to go home!” and you’ll have a pretty good picture of what’s been going on beyond my control in my heart.

So many times since losing Joel my one not-so-wonderful day that comes every month (TMTY?: too much transparency yet?), some random allergic reaction, and some other pain or difficulty have all fallen on Joel’s Heaven day. Last month all this was happening all at the same time AND the devil started throwing random four letter words into my thoughts that rhymed with the normal thoughts I was thinking.  It made me laugh.  They were so obviously not my thoughts. And he was so desperate that he made them rhyme?  I started praising God out loud, “Thank You God that these are not my thoughts.  Thank You for saving me.  Thank You for loving me.  Thank You for giving me Your righteousness.  Thank You for being with me always.” ...and he left. Praise God!

Finally my Breakthrough:

Today, for the first time, I was able to turn my “I want to go home.” heart to “I want to please You, Jesus. I want to finish my race with perseverance.  This is REALLY HARD, BUT I want to please You, Jesus.”

I am offering my "running with perseverance" as a living sacrifice of worship today. Praying you can, too.

The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet.
The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you. Romans 16:20

Please keep me in prayer... I don't think this blog post is going to be the ending to my rough day.  Soon. Thanks.  :)

Love,

Jenny